With the home schooling seed planted, I always knew within my heart that I would home school my children at some point in time. I did not know when, but my heart was open to receiving the answer that it was time.
In the fall of 2012 I really started to be taught by the spirit as I studied phrases that would lead me to where I am today. "The scriptures are filled with truth." "Live by doctrine, not circumstance." Spring of 2013, I listened to a talk, "Because She is a Mother" and acknowledged that I was struggling. This was not at all what I had longed for as a child. And, it was me. I needed to make changes. Luckily, I knew Heavenly Father loved me for the hard work I was doing as a mother.
I began searching, listening, studying more intently, questioning, writing, pondering, and feeling. I had to know how to be a better mother and the mother that Heavenly Father needed me to be. He knows me. He knows my children. He knew what our family needed. And I knew I needed the strengthening power of the atonement to lift me.
One night while rocking my precious baby boy and reflecting on his surgeries and happy nature, I had this strong confirmation from the spirit that Heavenly Father made him to handle the challenges he had been given. I then knew that I too was made for the challenges I had been given. I then came to a deeper understanding of Heavenly Father's love for me and the confidence he has in me.
And then in a wave of question and answer sessions in my journal, I could see so many changes to begin implementing to strengthen our home and family. And I am still implementing everything that was given to me during that time.